The Letter
by AspiringAuthor23
Summary: Right before he regenerates, The Doctor writes a letter to Rose, delivering it when he travels back to months before she knows him. R&R
1. Delivering

**A/N: Not mine; Doctor Who obviously belongs to its writers and creators and things, and I am not them. I hope you like it! : )**

It was about to end.  
>Moment by moment, he was edging toward regeneration, and no amount of quick thinking or Time Lord technology could help him now. He had knocked four times, this life's song was ending.<br>He had to see them again, however.  
>He couldn't die with violence being the last thing he had seen; he would much prefer to go with the image of his most loved companions burned in the back of his eyelids.<br>So he visited them all.  
>He purposefully left her for last. He wanted his family-years and years of companions-to be the last thing he saw, but even more, he wanted her to be the <em>very <em>lastperson he saw in this body. So he held off the desire to see her again, as well as the thought of how she wouldn't recognize him. At least, until he was on his way.  
>He allowed his mind to go back over the hundreds of times she had made him smile, the many times she had made his day so much better. She had made him better. And now he couldn't see her in real time, he had to go back to before she had him, before she had his clone. Before she had ever even seen his previous regeneration.<br>He slowly walked around the TARDIS, flipping switches. Not because he had to; mainly because he needed something to do. He didn't want memories to overcome him. He wanted her first memory of him, one she was not likely to recall by the time she met him, to be of a calm and smiling Time Lord, not a dying, pitiful one.  
>And then he realized what he could do. He wouldn't be breaking the rules of time, though it would add several memories to his mind. When he never got around to speaking to her about certain things, this would help, though it may not completely fix things. It could also aid in making their eventual separation a bit less painful, too.<br>So he made his way to the kitchen, grabbing a pen and a piece of paper. Sitting down at the table, he began writing, scrawled cursive making its way across the page.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

He walked out of the TARDIS, hands in pockets. It was winter, and it was snowing. Maybe this time is was legitimate snow, not some ship's ashes raining down on the inhabitants of earth.  
>He watched her and Jackie walk towards their home, hugging, before they split up, Jackie off to some unknown party. It was New Year's.<p>

A wave of pain hit him as she passed, and a small sound escaped his mouth, making her turn and notice him.

"You alright, mate?"

"Yeah." It was so hard not to simply walk over and hug her, grab her hand, anything. But that would not be acceptable in her current time. He had to stay away, no matter how much he wanted to reassure her that he was still here even though she hadn't lost him yet.

"Too much to drink?"  
>"Something like that."<br>"Maybe it's time you went home." Home was the TARDIS. Home meant she was in her room, sleeping, while he piloted them to their next adventure. Home was running through a distant planet, clasping hands, as Daleks or Cybermen or some other alien chased him. Of course, home was also traveling with his large family of companions after Daleks stole the earth. As long as he didn't lose any of them. But he couldn't go home now. They were all gone, had continued with their lives, whether they wanted to or not, whether he wanted them to or not.

"Yeah."  
>"Anyway, happy new year."<br>"And you."  
>She gave him a smile before turning and walking away, towards her home. But he had to know exactly how early this was.<p>

"What year is this?"

She turned, grinning, amused at how drunk he must be. "Blimey, how much have you had?"  
>"Well…"<p>

"Two thousand and five, January the first," she said, acting as if she was talking to a three year old.

"Two thousand and five." The year she first met him. Only a few months and their adventures would begin, and there would be his ninth regeneration and her running around the universe. She would forget about this moment in time, and exactly what was said, but he had given her so much more, it was only important, he supposed, that he remembered this. It was to be the last time he saw her, and he couldn't even say goodbye. Fitting, really, that the last time he was able to see her for the rest of his life was only a few months before the beginning of her adventures with him. It all came full circle.  
>She nodded, looking a bit uncomfortable. Maybe missing things from last year. But soon, he knew, she would be having the time of her life. A million memories flashed through his mind, and he couldn't keep the smile off his face.<p>

"Tell you what. I bet you're gonna have a really great year."

"Yeah?" she smiled, for some reason believing this drunk stranger. He smiled, nodding.

She gave him one last smile, a true one, before turning again.  
>"Wait."<p>

She turned again, giving him a questioning glance.  
>Taking in a breath, he walked over with his hands in his pockets, looking as if this was exactly what it seemed to her—a stranger making a strange request.<br>As he got nearer, he pulled two envelopes out of his pocket, both lacking an addressee. "One day, you and I will meet again. When we do, I want you to give this one," he pointed to the larger, more plain of the two, "to me. Keep the other one, and do not open it until I tell you to." He heavily doubted that she would ever bring it up, or even remember. Maybe she would simply return home after this and throw away the envelopes. But if luck was on his side, she would find a reason to trust him and keep them.  
>She looked at him oddly, even more convinced that he was drunk, but his eyes showed some complex emotion as he looked at her. That wasn't the look of one who had been drinking all night. It was the look of someone who had lost so much, who was trying to find a small sliver of hope in the universe. Partly because of this, she felt as though he was someone to trust. She continued staring into his eyes, looking for something that would tell her he wasn't serious. But when she didn't find what she was looking for, she nodded.<br>"Thank you."  
>Another wave of pain hit him, and he gave her a brave, relieved smile before they parted ways and he made his way back to the TARDIS.<p> 


	2. Regeneration

**A/N: Sorry if the transition from the script to original is a bit rough…I wrote my part and then went back and went by the original. So yeah…Enjoy! **

He was regenerating.  
>She hadn't seen it before, so he expected her to worry, though he believed that if he was one man one minute and one man the next, she would understand-at least, as much as anybody did without further explanation. He had tried to give her a bit of a warning, the statement that Time Lords had a way of cheating death, that he would change. But she would definitely be confused. He would have to explain.<br>The change concluded—the quick part, anyway. Feeling a bit odd as he always did after regeneration, he looked at Rose, trying to make sure she was okay.  
>"Hello. Oka—hmm." His new mouth caught him off guard. He felt his teeth with his tongue, trying to get used to them before speaking again. "New teeth. That's weird. So where was I?" Even his mind had to get used to the change for a few seconds before he remembered, grinning at his companion, who, he failed to notice, was still frozen, staring at him as though he were an alien—which, technically, he was—but one to be frightened of. "Oh that's right! Barcelona."<br>She was still looking at him with a mixture of worry, fear, and something else he couldn't quite place, unable to believe what she was seeing before her. Not noticing, however, he walked over to the controls, beginning to tinker with them. Listing off the time and day, he set the controls for Barcelona, finally turning back to Rose.  
>"Now then, what do I look like?" He paused for a few seconds, grinning at her stupidly before going on. "No, no no, no no no no no no no. No. Don't tell me. Let's see...two legs, two arms, two hands...Slight weakness in the dorsal tubercle. Hair! I'm not bald!" He seemed not to notice the fact that Rose still hadn't moved, and was looking at him as if he were an intruder, someone not to be trusted. He continued figuring himself out, always the small bit of fun offered with regeneration. "Oh—Oh! Big hair! Sideburns - I've got sideburns! Or really bad skin…Little bit thinner... That's weird. Give me time, I'll get used to it…I... have got... a mole. I can feel it. Between my shoulder blades, there's a mole. That's all right. Love the mole…Go on then, tell me. What do you think?"<br>She stared at him for a few seconds, still trying to stay away from him, as though he was something to hide from. "Who are you?"  
>His hearts fell. All those adventures, even watching him change right in front of her, and still she believed that he was an imposter, someone to be feared. She sounded scared, and it was a tone he never wanted to hear from her again. It worried him. But, he supposed, it made sense. It <em>was<em> her first regeneration. "I'm the Doctor."  
>She shook her head, not believing him. "No. Where is he? Where's the Doctor? What have you done to him?" She was becoming very scared very quickly. He wanted to walk over and hug her, make her feel better, but he knew that with her current reaction, he couldn't do that. So he stayed where he was.<br>"You saw me. I-I changed. Right in front of you." He desperately wanted her to believe him. Less than five minutes ago she would not have questioned a single thing he said, but now…It was as though they had just met once again, only this time, she was frightened of him.  
>"I saw him sort of…explode and then…you replaced him, like a…a teleport or a transmitter or a body swap or something."<br>She simply did not believe what she had just seen happen before her eyes. He was used to these changes, but they scared her. He simply couldn't think of anything to say to her, to soothe her worries. Because for the first time, he was beginning to worry that she wasn't going to understand, that he would eventually have to bring her home without her ever realizing that it was him.  
>Walking forward and pushing him, she continued, seemingly getting her courage back. "You're not fooling me. I've seen all sorts of things…Nano genes, Gelth, Slitheen."<br>Still shocked, in a way, he raised his eyebrows, not affected by any of this, as he had been there right with her.  
>Her eyes got a bit bigger, taking his expression the wrong way. Returning subtly to a more frightened tone, she voiced what had gone through her mind as she watched him. "Are you Slitheen?"<br>And now she thought he was going to try to kill her. Didn't even think he was a Time Lord anymore. Maybe she would figure it out eventually, though it hurt him to see her like this. "I'm not a Slitheen."  
>"Send him back. I'm warning you, send the Doctor back right now!"<br>He just couldn't take it. He couldn't lose her, and he would if he couldn't get her to understand. She had made him better, had made him more human. And if he lost her now, he would be broken. "Rose. It's me. It's—honestly, it's me." There was a tone of urgency in his voice that he hated himself for showing. He could already tell that there was more emotion in this regeneration. But he still liked to hide his thoughts. He had learned to after losing so many. He had to keep them to himself.  
>She continued to stare disbelievingly, panicking. He would have to explain more, spell everything out. "I was dying. To save my own life I changed by body—every single cell, but…Still me." It was true every single time. He was still the man he had been born as, though maybe a bit more hardened from all he had loved, lost, experienced.<br>"You can't be."  
>It hurt him. She still distanced herself from him, as though he would lash out any moment. He really wanted to tell her what he thought about her, how every time he saw her he just wanted to smile and laugh with her. He searched his brain for a way to convince her that all the time they had spent together wasn't lost, and stepped forward, his eyes looking straight into hers.<br>"Then how could I remember this? Very first word I ever said to you. Trapped in that cellar. Surrounded by shop window dummies oh…" He looked away, realizing just how far they had come since that day. They had grown so close after he convinced her to come. He looked back at her. "Such a long time ago. I took your hand…" He grasped her hand, trying to show that he was the same man who had made the same motion in a burst of adrenaline many many months ago. Except this time, there was meaning behind the grasp. Unsaid words that he was even less attracted to saying in his ninth incarnation than in this new one, though he refused to say them even now. She glanced at their hands, and he saw a spark of belief in her eyes. "I said one word. Just one word, I said…run." He searched her face, hoping that she would accept him. Her eyes were wet, full of the worry that he had abandoned her. But he refrained from comforting her, waiting to see if she would understand.  
>"Doctor."<br>A huge grin spread across his face as relief washed over him. She understood. He didn't know if she would accept it, but she understood that it was still him. "Hello."  
>She sighed, almost falling backwards. He couldn't tell if she was relieved or just shocked, but she believed him. Running back to the console, flipping switches, he continued, much happier. "And we never stopped, did we?" They never had. Always running. "All across the universe. Running, running running, and that one time we had to hop! Do you remember? Hopping for our lives. Yeah? All that hopping? Remember hopping for your life? Yeah? Hop? With the…no?" She had returned to her previous post, watching him from a distance, disturbed by this change. His wild hopping had been another attempt to make her realize that he was the same man, though maybe in a different body, with the same memories, abilities. But she still looked at him as though he was a stranger, one who was trying to make her feel as though they had been close when they had truly never met.<br>"Can you change back?" And again his hearts sunk. She may believe him, but she wanted her Doctor. Of course she did. He was the one she trusted, the one she had risked her life with so many times. But he would never exist again.

"Do you want me to?"  
>"Yeah."<br>"Oh."  
>"Can you?" With all the things she had seen, of course she would think that he would be able to with some sort of technology. But she would never see him again in that form as long as she lived. He was gone, though he was still standing there.<br>"No." She wouldn't be able to accept that this man had replaced hers. With the distance she still kept, he worried that she would never be able to grow close to him again. "Do you want to leave?" It pained him to have to ask. But if she wanted to leave, he wouldn't want to force her to stay.  
>"Do you want me to leave?" She thought he was kicking her out. But it was completely the opposite. The last thing he wanted her to do was leave.<br>"No! But…your choice, if you want to go home." She simply stared at him, giving him the impression that she did want to leave. "Cancel Barcelona. Change to…London, the Powell Estate…ah, let's say the twenty-fourth of December. Consider it a Christmas present."  
>She had slowly approached him as he set the coordinates, disbelief etched on her face. He hoped that the reality of going home would sink in so that she would realize she would be leaving forever if she went now. Though he knew he could never live with that. "There."<br>He folded his arms, watching her. Her eyes read of sadness and dread, torn between wishing for her Doctor and wanting to go on new adventures with this one, but wanting anything but a return to her home and a domestic life. "I'm going home?"  
>He hoped that this was a request to stay. "Up to you. Back to your mum. It's all waiting. Fish and chips, sausage and mash, beans on toast—no! Christmas! Turkey! Although, having met your mother, nut loaf would be more appropriate."<br>She looked away, a small smile on her face.  
>A bit happier that he finally took that worry off her face, he stopped a smirk from making its way onto his. "Was that a smile?"<br>She wouldn't meet his eyes, finally, it seemed, realizing that this truly was her Doctor. It had taken the remembrance of her mother to make the truth of it all hit her, but all of a sudden everything felt a bit more comfortable. "No."  
>"That was a smile." The first one she had given him in this incarnation, the smile he had seen so many times before. But never before had he been so relieved at seeing it.<br>She looked at him seriously. "No it wasn't."  
>He grinned as he teased her. "You smiled."<br>"No I didn't."  
>He wasn't going to allow her to deny it just because the last time she had given him one was when he was a different man. He was the same. "Oh, come on all I did was change, I didn't—"<p>

Her head snapped up as she realized something, her eyes widening as she interrupted him. "I've seen you before."  
>An expression of shock flitted across his features. "What?"<br>"I've seen you before. New Year's Eve."  
>He frowned. "You're sure that it was me, not some other alien?" He gave her a slight smirk, trying to reaffirm, make concrete, the fact in her mind that he was still the Doctor.<br>She almost grinned, before shaking her head no. "Yeah. You gave this to me." She pulled the letter out of her jacket pocket, holding it out. "Said not to open it until you told me to, but to keep it with me at all times. Thought you were drunk, but I never did open it."  
>He grabbed the paper, his eyebrows coming closer together as he sonic-ed the paper, folded elaborately into an envelope about the size of a note card. It was definitely something he would have done.<br>He looked back up at her, a confused expression still on his face. "I didn't give you anything else, did I?"  
>She looked as though she was thinking for a moment, before her eyebrows shot up and she went off to her room without a word. For now, at least, the trip home would have to wait.<br>He continued sonic-ing the paper, sure that he would have given himself an explanation. If he hadn't wanted her to open it until he said so...it made him all the more sure that there would have been something else. He couldn't open it while she was gone and then refold it; he had no idea what was contained, and the information kept inside could contain spoilers.  
>A few minutes passed before she came back, with a much simpler letter in her hand. This one obviously had been done much quicker-he must have thought that if he was sending it to himself, presentation didn't matter. And it didn't. "He said to give this one to you. That's all. It's why I forgot about it, I suppose."<br>He nodded, taking the paper silently from her. "I'll be back."  
>If she couldn't know what was in the other, surely this was meant only for his eyes. He didn't know why he had wanted to communicate with his past self; it would normally be only in times of complete emergency. But if the message had been able to wait who knew how long, it must not be that urgent.<br>He made his way to his room, where he opened the letter.  
>Inside was an explanation of when and where this letter had been passed on, and the fact that he had been about to regenerate when he wrote it—funny, considering what he had just gone through. It told what was contained in Rose's letter, and when he should instruct her to open it.<p>

_No matter what you do to prevent it, there will be a day when she must leave. Make the most of the time between now and then, because someday it will be ripped away, and you will have wished you could have more. But you won't be able to. Even when it seems she can come back, it becomes impossible, because it seems that no matter what, after everything you have gone through you are not going to be able to keep everything._  
><em>And then there will come a day where you wish you could have said something, something you desire to tell her even now. But I know you won't, didn't. And then you didn't have the chance, because you needed her to accept change, and telling her would only make it worse.<em>  
><em>Her letter tells her what you wish she could know. Tell her not to open it unless you are forced apart and there is no chance of finding each other again, or unless you tell her to, in which case you will be about to die. For real. Do not tell her that this is inevitable. Let her believe she will stay forever, because you both wish it.<em>  
><em>Forget this letter until it is needed.<em>  
><em>Make the most of your time together.<em>  
><em>Doctor<em>

He shook his head lightly. The letter had brought out his biggest fears, told him they would come to be a reality soon enough. But now when he went back, he had to act as if he didn't know anything, that this letter contained only meaningless nonsense, though he half wanted to throw it across the room and tell it that it didn't know anything. But he knew that it carried only truth. No matter how hard the two of them tried to prevent it, catastrophe would come eventually—at least, as long as she stayed with him after this. She still hadn't reaffirmed whether she wanted to stay or not. He couldn't let her know how much bad news this set of letters brought them. So, putting on the expression he always wore when he was trying to hide the fact that he was having a hard time getting over something, he walked back out to the control room, where Rose was still waiting. Hearing him enter, she looked up from the envelope that she had been studying, trying to learn something about it from the exterior.  
>"What is it?"<br>"It's something important. But you cannot open it until I tell you to, or until a time comes where I am not there to tell you to open it."  
>"But that's not gonna happen. I'm staying here forever, yeah?"<br>Despite all that he had learned in the letter, he grinned at her as he finally realized that she planned on staying with him despite his new form. "Yeah."  
>A few seconds passed before he continued. He had to ensure that her curiosity would not get the better of her. "But you cannot open until I tell you to. Opening it early could be catastrophic. Okay?"<br>She nodded. "Promise."  
>But she could see through his agreement. She knew this forever wouldn't last, as hard as both of them may try to keep it. As much of a shock as she had had earlier, she never would have left him. He was her Doctor, whether or not he had cheated death. But now she knew what had happened on New Years. He had come alone, without her by his side. In fact, he hadn't had anyone by his side. He wouldn't come back to visit her if she was with him, unless the TARDIS was pulled there by some unknown force. She knew there was only one reason that he would come back to her past without her. He didn't have to hide what the letter had told him, because from what she could tell, both of them now knew that it would come eventually. She had to make the most of their time together before the inevitable eventually happened.<p>

The TARDIS lurched as the Doctor began sounding extremely sick, unable to finish a sentence he had just begun. "Uh oh."  
>She slowly moved towards him, feeling a bit closer to him now that she knew who he was for sure. She still appreciated him as her Doctor. She just had to get used to the change. "Uh…Are you alright? What's that?" A golden string had erupted from his mouth, filling the air of the TARDIS.<br>"Oh, the change is going a bit wrong, I'm all—" He was cut off again by the pain of the regeneration's problems, falling to the floor.  
>She searched her mind quickly for a way to help him. "Look, maybe we should go back. Let's go and find Captain Jack, he'd know what to do."<br>"Ahh, he's busy! He's got plenty to do rebuilding the Earth! Ohh…I haven't used this one in years." He hadn't needed to speed home in years. It was generally only to be used in emergencies, as it could have nasty side effects for the TARDIS.

They both were knocked to the side as the TARDIS lurched forward. "What're you doing?" She asked him, frightened.

"Putting on a bit of speed! That's it! My beautiful ship, come on, faster! That a girl! Faster! Want to break the time vortex?"

He was scaring her, but he didn't seem to realize it. "Stop it!"  
>"Ah, don't be so dull—let's have a bit of fun! Let's rip through that vortex!" He was growing reckless and thoughtless due to the problems with this regeneration. He couldn't help himself—he had no control over this sudden change in thoughts and feelings. But suddenly he was able to control himself for a few seconds as he stared into her eyes over the console. "Regeneration's going wrong. I can't stop myself. Ahh, my head." And he lost control again.<br>They were going to crash and nothing was going to stop them.


	3. Receiving

**A/N: Ahh, this is why I'm not doing long stories at the moment. Sorry for disappearing…I've been really really busy. Enjoy!**

The months since Canary Wharf had been torture. Every morning she would lapse into tears as she realized that she was no longer on the TARDIS, that she would never see him again.  
>But then she had the dream.<br>Then they had traveled hundreds and hundreds of miles to Darlig Ulv Stranden—Bad Wolf Bay. Terribly ironic, that the last time she would see him would be so conveniently named; it seemed that, a year ago, she had sent a message forward in time, a sort of warning as to what would transpire on the beach. She only wished it hadn't been necessary. She missed him so much it sometimes hurt. There were days she could do nothing but stay in bed. She now understood why he refused to do "domestics." The transition was horrible, especially after everything they had been through.  
>She had told him forever, but forever had ended.<p>

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

They pulled onto the beach, and she told them to stay behind. If he was here, she wanted to see him alone, no matter what implications that may have. It seemed more…_them_…that way.  
>She looked around, hoping to see the familiar blue box, the one that had taken her so many places; the one that she had bonded with almost a year previously. Trying her hardest to hold down the hope that was beginning to build inside her, she noticed him. He was simply standing there, completely see-through, unable to come any closer to her, though they both just wanted to run to each other.<p>

She turned, a million things running through her mind. But all she could get herself to say was, "Where are you?"

"Inside the TARDIS. There's one tiny gap in the universe left, just about to close. And it takes a lot of power to send this projection; I'm in orbit around a supernova. I'm burning up a sun, just to say goodbye." He was trying his hardest to keep himself composed. He wanted her last impression of him to be positive, not of one who couldn't even finish a sentence. And truly, burning up a sun was the least he could do for her. So badly, he wanted to destroy the universes in order to make sure she could come back to him. He loved her, and it broke his hearts that forever would never come true.  
>"You look like a ghost."<p>

"Hold on." He pulled out his sonic, wanting so much to be able to simply travel there. But he couldn't. An image would have to take his last goodbye.  
>Adjusting the settings, he knew his projection had become clearer, as Rose stepped forward.<p>

"Can I to—" she asked, raising a hand.  
>He shook his head. "I'm still just an image. No touch."<p>

At this, her defenses against tears seemed to start failing. She wanted nothing more than to lean on him as they stood there, feeling his heartbeats against her single one. The scenarios she had created in her mind of giving him one last hug, maybe stealing a kiss, faded. "Can't you come through properly?"  
>"The whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse." It seemed that no matter what they did, they would never be able to see each other again. They truly were star-crossed lovers. Lovers across the stars. Universes away, unable to even give a proper goodbye. They were alone. Sure, she had her mother, father, Mickey. But she had lost all her life had been for two years.<br>"So?" She couldn't even go on, trying so, so hard not to cry. She could feel the tears brimming up over her eyelids, however, threatening to spill. She would give anything to see him in person one last time.

A few seconds passed, both of them unable to even think about the inevitable goodbye. "Where are we? Where did the gap come out?"  
>"We're in Norway."<br>"Norway, right."

"'Bout fifty miles out of Bergen. It's called…" she took a breath. "Darlig Ulv Stranden."  
>"Dalek?"<p>

"Dar-lig. It's Norwegian for 'bad.'"

He looked at her in confusion.  
>"It translates as Bad Wolf Bay." She rolled her eyes, trying to smile through all the emotions and thoughts running through her mind.<br>He grinned, trying to act as though his entire world wasn't crashing down as they spoke. But his eyes conveyed a different message.

She seemed to realize that their time was running out, that he would disappear and she would be all alone, yet again. "How long have you got?"

"'bout two minutes…" He was trying so hard not to show anything. He definitely didn't want her last memories of him to be of tears.

She ran a hand through her hair. "I don't even know what to say." She was grinning, but only to hide the fact that her heart was breaking.  
>He grinned too now, trying to enjoy his last few minutes with her.<br>Again, the full force of what was happening hit her, and she calmed down, looking completely and utterly lost.  
>"You've still got Mr. Mickey, then." He was trying to cheer her up, lighten the mood. Trying to erase the facts from both of their minds.<br>"Well there's five of us now. Mum, dad, Mickey, and the baby."  
>He looked completely shocked, the expression on his face becoming tender. Really, the only possibility would be Mickey. And somehow he didn't see something like this happening this soon. But…"You're not…"<br>She shook her head, a small smile on her lips. "No." She laughed, sending a jolt through his hearts as he realized that this was probably one of the last times he would ever hear her laugh, even if there were tears in her eyes. "It's mum." He half sighed, half laughed, partly of relief, partly because of what had just gone through his mind. "She's three months gone, there's more Tylers on the way."

"And what about you?" He was worried about her, about how she would go on after this. He knew she could and would, but he wanted to know she would be happy.  
>"Yeah, I-I'm back working in the shop."<br>He nodded, only thinking of how much he wanted to bring her back to the TARDIS, away from the shop, back to traveling throughout time and space. But he had to mask it. "Well, good for you."  
>She grinned, tears still threatening to spill over. "Shut up. No I'm not. The Torchwood on this planet's open for business. Think I know a thing or two about aliens." Now she was truly in danger of letting her tears fall. Because they both knew that she wasn't just talking about aliens. She knew him so well, could probably tell every emotion and thought that was going through his mind. She knew he was still trying to formulate a way to bring her back, though they both knew it was impossible. And now she would be gone, forced to work for Torchwood. It was ironic, in a way, that the business set up as a result of them, and had torn them apart, was the place she would now work in order to keep her life somewhat resembling the one she had led for the past two years.<br>He grinned through all the thoughts pressing to the front of his mind, proud that she would continue their work in this new universe. "Rose Tyler. Defender of the Earth." He could see that she was no longer able to hold back her tears. She tried to speak, but the weight of all that was happening held her back. She just couldn't. "You're dead. Officially, back home. So many people died that day and you've gone missing. You're on the list of the dead."

And that deadened look was back in his eyes. Once again he had lost the person most important to him. It seemed he was never going to be able to be happy. It would always be ripped away, no matter what.

She looked down, tears almost spilling onto her cheeks. Here was the proof that she would never return to the Doctor, would never be able to see him again after this. Her whole life as she knew it had ended, and she had to return to domestics. It couldn't be possible. It hurt far too much. And they would both be alone.  
>"But here you are, living alive, day after day. The one adventure I can never have." And now he was in truly danger of succumbing to his emotions. This incarnation had always had stronger emotions than others, but he had become fairly talented at holding them back, putting on a smile, and continuing. But he couldn't do that this time.<p>

"Am I ever going to see you again?" Tears began rolling down her face. She knew the answer, truly. She just had to hear him say it. Because otherwise, she would never give up. Never stop searching. Though she doubted she would anyway.

"You can't." And that was all he could say as he tried again to compose himself.  
>"What are you going to do?" And there she was, defender of the earth, not worried most about her self, though she was crushed that they would never see each other again, but preoccupied with the fact that he was alone yet again. The last of the Time Lords, all alone, protecting the galaxy. And she couldn't be with him.<p>

"Ahh, I've got the TARDIS. Same old life, last of the Time Lords." He was trying to be brave, to assure her that he was going to be fine. And this was exactly the answer she had been dreading.  
>"On your own?"<br>He nodded. Never would he be able to see another companion ripped away from him like this. No, he would travel alone forever, keep everyone safe, but not allow anyone else's life to be ruined like this on account of him.

"I…" She was cut off by fresh tears. But she had to say it. It was her last chance. "I love you."  
>He swallowed. So much, he wanted to tell her that he felt the same way. He wanted to break the walls between the universes, hug her, kiss her. Tell her everything would be alright. But he couldn't. And even admitting it would make it so much harder. But he couldn't not let her know. He loved Rose Tyler, and there was nothing in the universe that could keep that away. "Quite right too." It was so hard to ignore the pain growing in his throat, the pain that warned of tears. "And I suppose…If it's my last chance to say it… Rose Tyler—"<br>And he faded away.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The next morning she woke up with tears staining her face. She had been dreaming of the day previously. She doubted the dreams would go away any time soon. Before the beach, dreams of his face when she was falling into the Void had haunted her.  
>But this dream was different. It had reminded her of something that had happened so long ago. So long ago. Something that was so important, but had been forgotten since Canary Wharf.<br>She stayed in bed for ten more minutes, composing herself and allowing herself some semblance of a peaceful morning before she got up. Before her family looked at her with pity, and made her want to lock herself up and fall asleep again. She knew they would mean well, but she didn't want that again, everyone always checking to make sure she was okay, when everyone knew fully well that she was breaking apart inside.

Eventually, she got up, crossing her room to her closet, where the clothes from Canary Wharf still hung. She hadn't washed them; she had no inclination to ever wear them again. Digging in the pocket, she pulled out a piece of paper, knowing the time had finally come to open it. They would never find each other again, and it was only in these circumstances that the Doctor had told her to open it. She had known the day would come. She just didn't know that it would come this soon.

Slowly exiting the closet, she examined the envelope, sitting down on her bed and staring at it. Truly, this would be the final proof to herself that she would never see him again, that it was time to give up hope. It had always been there in the back of her mind, the letter that she would open when they were ultimately torn apart. But somehow she had always ignored it. Even now, when it was the exact time he wanted her to open it, she wasn't even sure if she really wanted to. But he had told her to, and she had no reason not to trust him.

Taking a deep breath, she opened it slowly, making sure not to rip it. It was folded very intricately; he had obviously taken quite a bit of time to make this last message special. The writing was cursive, scrawled quickly but carefully across the page.

_Rose,  
>I suppose if you've opened this, it means that you have come to a time after Darlig Ulv Stranden. Maybe it is recent; maybe it's been years, and you have only just remembered or rediscovered the letter given to you by a drunken man on New Years so many years ago. The one who promised that the next year would be great. And hopefully it was. I hope I gave you the best year of your life. I hope you never forget New Earth, World War Two…so many adventures. And so many we can't have.<br>I never did take you to Barcelona. There were so many places I wished to take you, so many places I knew that even if you spent your entire life with me we would never visit them all. I wanted to show you the universe. Every time, every place in history. And I will forever regret that we didn't have more time.  
>We never got to say goodbye, on that beach. There are so many things I wish I could have said to you before I faded. Now I have even more stories I wish I could tell you. You would laugh at some of them, slap me for others. You'd love it.<br>But I'm dying. There wouldn't be enough time. I would change before seeing you, and there would be no way for my regeneration to jog your memory enough for this letter to be passed on to you.  
>And now I must finish writing so that I can give this to you; so I can finish what I was going to tell you on that beach.<br>Rose Tyler, I love you more than anything else in the universe.  
>You were fantastic.<br>The Doctor  
><em>

Tears stained the paper as she finished reading the letter.  
>And she lay back on her bed.<p>

**A/N: Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it! Please review!**


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